I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize