my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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