You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
