Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
