you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
