Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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