My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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