Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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