I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
