Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
