my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
