things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm too high and old for this...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
