and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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