my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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