girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
