the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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