I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
