I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
