no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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