I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
