you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
