a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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