I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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