my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
bring money and cleavage
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I love you. Go after that dick
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
