Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
