I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
