He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
