I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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