and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
