He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize