Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
