That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
