pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
