My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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