I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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