I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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