Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
