i will never coherently bang her
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
