I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
