I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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