Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
