my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
