I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
