My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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