On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if only i could text you this smell
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
