I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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