i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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