i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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