I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
