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It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I stole a fireplace last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
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