i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
