I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?