I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.