I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure