We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
