Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
as a side note pls kill me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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