I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
