OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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