That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
