I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
